


If only she knew

by Eoxilina



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Eren being Eren, Established Relationship, F/F, My poor baby Sasha, Potato girl - Freeform, Protective Mikasa Ackerman, Shingeki no Kyojin Chapter 105 Spoilers, it's been a year
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-03
Updated: 2019-05-03
Packaged: 2020-02-16 11:19:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 963
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18690451
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eoxilina/pseuds/Eoxilina
Summary: If Mikasa knew. If only she knew what was about to happen. She would have never left, never left Sasha.





	If only she knew

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Français available: [If only she knew](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19039555) by [CanardTeaChaud (MissCactus)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissCactus/pseuds/CanardTeaChaud)



> I started writing this many days ago, just because I feel like it. And today I find out it's been a year since this happened.  
> What a bitter coincidence.
> 
> Obviously, there are some canon deviants

...  
Honestly, she was pretty tired. Not just because she just  
fought against many shifters, one of them being Reiner. Not  
just because she was in a foreign land, fighting against  
Marleyans soldiers, killing them. Actually, scratch that, not  
only soldiers, also civils, children included.

Also because she saw Eren for the first time in many months.  
He was... fine. At least he seemed physically fine. Without  
legs, but they would grow again...  
But Eren wasn't Eren anymore. Just like she wasn't Mikasa, not  
the same Mikasa that spent her days sewing with her mom, and playing  
with her dad. Those days were behind, those days were just  
a blur in her mind, not even a dream because Mikasa  
had no hope of returning to those days anymore. 

And also, she had no idea where Sasha and the rest were.  
She just hoped Sasha was safe.

"Eren, what you have done?" Mikasa quietly asked while she  
was watching the destroyed city below them.  
Eren pretended that he had not heard her.  
The streets painted of red, and at this point, Mikasa  
recognized the smell of burned bodies pretty well to not  
let her mind tricked her that it was because of some kind  
of paint. The screams that reminisced, the smoke that clouded  
her sight, and all the blood.  
It was a familiar picture, one she knew too well. And because  
she remembered how she felt that day in Shinganshina many  
years ago, she shuddered and had a huge urge to throw out her breakfast.

"What have we done, Eren?"

...

"Where is Sasha?" - Mikasa asked once she an Eren arrived at  
the airship. They were ready to go, but she would not go  
without Sasha.  
"Right here!" Screamed someone from behind of her. Sasha was just arriving too.  
Eren was just been beaten by Levi. But at this point, Mikasa wasn't  
concerned. Not in the same way, she was 4 years ago.  
Levi couldn't kill Eren, and it wasn't as is Eren didn't deserve that. Honestly, she felt like beaten Eren too.  
But right now her attention was with Sasha. 

"Are you alright?" Mikasa asked whiled she frankly checked  
on an exhausted Sasha.  
"I'm fine," Said Sasha stopping Mikasa, instead she hugged her  
tightly, although Mikasa was covered in sweat, smoke and  
a little bit of blood.  
But Mikasa didn't believe her. And Sasha knew that.  
"I'm alive at least" Corrected Sasha after she felt Mikasa  
squeezed a little. That was better, more accurate.  
"You?"  
Mikasa just shocked her head. She wasn't fine, and she wasn't  
going to lie to Sasha, not her. Sasha felt the movement of her  
Mikasa's head, it wasn't necessary to see Mikasa know she  
was suffering, like her. But it would be especially  
difficult for Mikasa, her brother was the cause of all of this  
after all.  
"I have to go with him" Of course she had. Eren was Mikasa's  
brother. And most of the time she would go after him, even if  
it hurt her. Sasha wondered if it would always that way. Not  
because she was jealous of Eren... maybe a little bit, but she  
would never admit that.  
She just wished that Mikasa would be free. Truly free of everyone,  
even Sasha. To Mikasa live just for herself. Maybe  
someday.  
"Of course, go, we'll talk later, when we are in the island" Just a little kiss on Mikasa's neck, to give  
the girl some eased and because she didn't want to attract more attention than necessary  
"I'll wait for the rest to come" And when Mikasa still give her a worry glance she added "I'll be okay, go, we are safe in here,  
we are safe now" And gave her best smile, at least the best one she could muster in a situation like this.  
And Mikasa left.  
...  
If Mikasa knew. If only she knew what was about to happen. She would have never left, never left Sasha.  
But she didn't, and she would spend the rest of her life regretting that decision and that moment.  
Wishing for her to be the one who received that bullet.  
Or for at least, to have been with Sasha when it happened. 

"SASHA!"  
"Please, Sasha, stay with me!"  
"Armin, do something"  
"Don't close your eyes!"  
"Please, babe, stay with me!"  
"Is our food… ready yet?" It was barely a whisper, but Mikasa could hear it clearly  
"That's right! Keep talking! Keep your eyes open!"  
"I'm hungry … Kasa… I want food"  
"I'LL GIVE YOU ALL THE FOOD YOU WANT! JUST HOLD ON UNTIL WE GET  
TO THE ISLAND! I'LL MAKE NIKOLO PREPARE ALL THE FOOD YOU DESERVE!"  
And for a second it looked like the promised reached its destination because Sasha's eyes gleamed. And Mikasa even allowed to feel some kind of relief, if only for a second. Because the next moment Armin stopped every movement. And Mikasa saw the defeat in his body, in the way he was closing his fists and clenching his teeth. A gesture he made when he felt useless. When he knew there was no way out of this.  
And Mikasa just knew in that moment what was about to happened. 

"Meat"

And that was it. The last thing that escaped from her mouth.  
It was Connie who lost it first, starting to cry and shout all kind of profanities.  
Mikasa just stayed still. With her clothes and hands covered in red. The same red she had become accustomed. But it was different now. Much, much different.  
It was Sasha the one laying on the floor. With her blurred and unfocused eyes. Big and dilated eyes. Empty.  
That was the work Armin would use to describe the state in which Mikasa was. 

If only she knew…

"We don't have a choice…"  
" This world is cruel…"  
...

**Author's Note:**

> So this is it.  
> I want to write some kind of continuation, at least a second part where I show how Mikasa is handling Sasha's departure. But that would be later.  
> Thank you for reading. And be nice, English is not my main language so its a little difficult to keep coherency in my writing when I thought most of the story in Spanish most of the time. I'll get better, I promise.  
> Leave a comment if you like, I would love to read what you think!  
> Saludos!


End file.
